


Never Second Best

by kanoitrace



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Era, F/M, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Pining, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 19:25:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3145802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanoitrace/pseuds/kanoitrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They aren't each other's second-best. Dean means as much to Castiel as Meg ever did, and Dean loves Cas every bit as much as he ever loved Lisa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Second Best

**Author's Note:**

> This was the brainchild of little sleep and late nights and late night chats with the ECKC girls during my season 3 rewatch. As such... it's not the best, but I wanted to share it. This is also highly unbeta'd, sooooo... yeah! Read at your own risk! After I've built this up so much, you know lol.

Losing Meg had been painful. Not in the metaphorical, human way, but physically painful. No one had to tell Castiel she died. He had felt her loss enough to never have any doubts.

Their relationship had been complicated. He had cared for her, though as an angel, he'd never understood the depth of his feelings, or hers for that matter. However, now that he's tasted humanity he knows. He knows she was special, in more ways than she simply helped them from time to time, or that they could exchange witty banter.

Meg had changed the very essence of who she was for him. She had turned against all her causes, all she believed in and followed, so that she could believe in and follow Castiel instead. He had never done anything to deserve it, at least not that he could see.

So Meg? She was special, and there isn't a day, even years later, her presence isn't missed. He had thought having Hannah by his side would assuage the emptiness, at least a little, but it never had. And now he's lost her too.

* * *

Dean still visits them sometimes, Ben and Lisa. Except that "visits" is a strong term. It's more that he parks just out of sight and watches them and the house. He'd love to say that it's just to make sure that they're okay, that it was all spun from the noblest of intentions, but that would be a lie. At least it would be a partial lie.

Dean misses them. He doesn't talk about it, doesn't talk about them at all, actually, but he does. Maybe the apple pie life hadn't been for him, but that doesn't mean he'd loved them any less.

Lisa had saved him. She'd never had any obligation to, not like the other people in his life did. She wasn't bound by the bonds of family or duty or stopping the next big apocalypse, and yet she took him in no questions asked. She soothed him when the nightmares kept him up all night. She made sure he ate and didn't drink himself to death. She even trusted him with her kid.

And Ben... The kid had been a chip off the old block. Even if it wasn't really Dean's block, sure felt like it was. It's not like it mattered, anyway, because Dean loved that kid like he was his own. Still does love him like he's his own.

Dean would stay outside with Ben, tossing the baseball around. He's stay up late with him talking or playing video games or, shit, even helping the kid with his homework where he could. He had even started teaching Ben about cars. It should have reminded him of raising Sam, only that it didn't. There was no looming threat, no need to teach him how to wield a whole arsenal. There was only letting Ben be a kid.

The whole time with them really had been Dean's second chance.

And of course he never could appreciate it as much as he should have. So now he does this, the voyeur thing, that for as much as it is to make sure they stay safe, that excuse runs dry after they have been for the past three or four years. He probably is going to be the one to bring danger to their doorstep in the end, but he just can't say fully goodbye.

* * *

They aren't each other's second-best. Dean means as much to Castiel as Meg ever did, only Castiel is human enough now to appreciate those feelings and that they are reciprocated.

And Dean loves Cas every bit as much as he ever loved Lisa. Even better, Dean can have the future with Cas that he never could with her. After all, Dean was never cut out for the apple pie life, but with Cas he never needs to be.

They're never trying to replace or forget, and neither would ever expect the other to do that anyway. After all, for all they've sacrificed, they deserve the small pockets of happiness they can take.

 


End file.
